It’s just too much!
‘When people see good, they expect good, and I don’t want to have to live up to someone else’s expectations.’
Someone left you broken. You sat there quietly hoping it wasn’t real, but it was. And you were never the same.
Ever since that incident you eventually became tired. Tired of having to hide the pain and the misery you had been keeping to yourself. So, you stopped. And instead, you started to play the little pretend game. And somewhere between the very blurry lines, you lost your goofy self. Your jokes were cynical now. And your laughter, constrained. Your words carried no life and in a crowded room, your eyes felt hollow. But no one’s blaming you because in a sad twisted way you knew life had been unfair to you. You realised that heartbreak didn’t add up to the feeling of disappointment. Lovers were not half of what you needed them to be, and friends - it seemed they were all spawns of Judas after all.
You are broken now. You know that. They know that. You push away people before they finally get to see you what you were, what you are going through, or what you could be. You avoid expectations, as your needs are squashed beneath a heavy foot of unreal dreams that may bite back later haunting you.
Sometimes I wonder, if you are scared or just tired because you don’t want to repeat that cycle again. And now look what it has moulded you into. Are you happy? It would break me to think otherwise but here we are, and I am tired too. Hoping and wishing that you would just allow me to climb over the wall you’ve taken resort behind, but my attempts have gone in vain. I could show you that the world is a bright burning place full of possibilities, but you have decided to not risk getting hurt again and I respect that. So, I will not force my actions on you because, in the end, we must all face our demons alone.
You need space as well as clarity, and I hope you find what you are looking for. But you know that as long as you get nothing, you won’t give anything nor endure consolation for others.