Arousal: The Science of Sexual Desire (pt.1)
Welcome back to the latest instalment of The Sex Ed Chronicles: let’s get right into it (we’re sure you’ve been waiting).
The title may have already given some of you a bit of a clue of what we will be discussing this month - so let’s just set down the basics.
What exactly is arousal?
Short answer? Wanting to jump someone (with their consent, of course. Don’t jump people without consent). Long answer? Well…
Essentially, arousal is a physiological reaction in the body, which is both physical and emotional, triggered by actions or objects that instigate sexual desire - this may range from physical stimulation of genitals and erogenous zones, sexual images or fantasies, or even certain non-sexual objects that have a sexual connotation in an individual’s mind. Usually, if applicable, arousal entails one’s penis or clitoris becoming erect, engorged, and sensitive, as well as wetness experienced either on the vulva or the tip of the penis. There is also an increase in blood pressure, heart rate, breathing and temperature, in most cases accompanied by a heady rush and a sense of excitement (or even embarrassment, depending on where you are at the time.) Arousal looks different for everyone though, and no blanket statement covers the symptoms for everyone - people who have undergone metoidioplasty, phalloplasty, or vaginoplasty may not exactly ‘get hard’ or ‘get wet’ in the way one expects - the same applies to intersex people, and even endosex people (that means persons born with sex characteristics matching typical medical standards of ‘male’ or ‘female’ bodies - aka, about 98% of the global population). Bodies are really much more complex than people make them out to be, and so there are no strict guidelines on what it actually feels like to be aroused! There have been multiple studies on arousal as an altered state of being - an altered state of being generally being defined as ‘a temporary change in the overall pattern of subjective experience’ (although there is no strict, widely agreed-upon definition as of yet), or one which essentially causes someone to behave much differently or experience things much differently than they normally would, for a temporary period of time. The most common example of an altered state of consciousness is being on drugs. It has been noticed that arousal can often invoke intense feelings and impulses in people, impact their judgment, and cause them to engage in behaviour that would ordinarily embarrass them. These urges should, however, be easy to suppress when necessary, should the situation call for it - we will be mentioning a few tricks for that below (though additional research and experimentation is always encouraged)!
How do I deal with it?
Well, if it’s the time and place, most people prefer to deal with it by letting their sexual response cycle run its course. This cycle basically looks like this:
- desire - a.k.a the state of being aroused in the first place
- plateau - a.k.a when that state of arousal is maintained or heightened by sex, sexual stimulation or masturbation
- orgasm - a.k.a the culmination of the tension built up in your body, resulting in a series of pleasurable muscle spasms in your body and a release of endorphins (these are hormones that make you feel happy and relaxed)
- resolution - a.k.a when your body goes back to its pre-arousal state
However, a full sexual response cycle is definitely not necessary to deal with your arousal! One does not have to go through all the stages, can choose to stop at any time, or even decide to forgo it completely. During their teenage years, random erections are quite common among those who have penises - and, since they are random, they can pop up sometimes in situations where it would be quite inappropriate to ‘deal with it’ - even if that’s not the case, you may just simply not want to. The phenomenon of ‘morning wood’ also occurs across all age groups. Not everyone feels like jacking off every single time, obviously - some even may be embarrassed (don’t be, it’s natural!) - as well as a plethora of other religious, cultural, and political reasons. There are ways to reach resolution even without going through the states of plateau or orgasm; for example, you can:
- take a cold shower
- listen to some music
- do some chores
- distract yourself - start another unrelated task/think of something definitively ‘unsexy’ (to you, at least)
- whatever else might work for you individually!
Since we’re talking about this anyway, let’s also look at what happens when one reaches the plateau, but stimulation is halted just before orgasm. Yes, we’re talking about blue balls - and blue vulva (yes, that exists. Yes, the fact that it isn’t talked about as much as the former is another testament to the perceived male entitlement of sexual pleasure in society. But, we digress). The scientific term of this phenomenon is actually epididymal hypertension - basically, during arousal, usually the arteries leading to the genitals will widen, allowing for an increase of blood supply in those areas - this is the explanation behind the ‘engorgement’ side of things. On reaching orgasm, the body relaxes, and the veins leading away from the genitals dilate, causing that blood to re-enter the bloodstream. However, if one were to be sexually aroused for a long time, and then unable to reach orgasm for whatever reason (say, their partner wasn’t into it, something urgent came up and interrupted them, they quite literally were Unable to climax - which is fine btw, orgasm does not need to be the main goal of sex), though the blood is still let back into the stream, it does cause a sense of discomfort in the genitalia. It may also be accompanied by a sense of frustration, or even anger. This can be combated with the methods listed above.
Here is also a friendly reminder that blue balls or blue vulva are not a justification to coerce someone into helping you orgasm to relieve your discomfort. While it may kind of suck, it’s not a serious condition, unlike how some would make it out to be. In the scenario that this arises during sexual activity with other people, because one of you may have wanted to pause, it is perfectly okay for you to roll over, or go in the shower, and take five minutes to get yourself off. Boom, problem solved.
Okay, that’s all good, but - is there a point where arousal is… too much? Or too less?
Well - there is no normal amount of arousal that one person should feel, per se. As we’ve said, everyone is different. Really, the only markers for whether or not the excess or lack of horny thoughts is harmful are the effects it has on your own self. It does not matter how often you fantasize about weirdly specific sexual scenes in your head, or masturbate with a new sex toy, as long as it is not a) negatively affecting you and your goals, b) causing you or other individuals psychological distress or c) distracting you to a point of genuine danger. Subsequently, if you feel like you are on the asexuality spectrum - i.e. that you experience less sexual arousal than you have observed in those around you, that is perfectly alright too - unless that is something which is, again, causing you distress. In case you are feeling extreme feelings of shame and guilt around sex, or find that despite not wanting to, you are not able to control your sexual behaviour, it is a good idea to reach out to an experienced professional to help you figure out the situation.
Yeah, that pretty much wraps up our article. There are plenty more aspects of arousal, and how arousal can be triggered by certain objects or actions, and more analyses of related topics that we have skipped out on in this month’s issue, yet it is something which we definitely plan on talking about later on (hence why you’ll notice the ‘part 1’ in the title). As always, stay tuned, and we hope we could teach you something new today.
to read more about a-spec identities, look at this wonderful guide made by @faesqna on Instagram (shameless self-promo):
https://www.instagram.com/faesqna/guide/30-days-with-the-faes/17902510117982622/
relevant sources used for this article:
https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-stop-being-horny#how-to-focus
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sex-pleasure-and-sexual-dysfunction/sex-and-pleasure/arousal
https://www.issm.info/sexual-health-qa/what-are-blue-balls-and-blue-vulva/